Things have been really crazy here.
DH had an appointment with a neuro-psychologist and were were told that any TBI he MAY have had in 2004 has healed so these lasting affects are due to PTSD.
I drove like crazy for the last 10 days or so...drove my brother to the Sea-Tac Airport so he could fly to NM for the sentencing hearing. Then two days later I drove from Lacey to Longview to take DD to meet up with her friends for the weekend...then pick on on Sunday at the same place. Monday had to run to the bank late in the day. Tuesday back to Sea-Tac to pick up my brother. Wednesday was grocery shopping. Then Friday to the VA for DH to get his Vpap machine so he can breathe at night.
We have had a wonderful weekend with 80° weather and sunshine...don't ever let people tell you it only rains in the Pacific Northwest, they have no clue what they are talking about.
The kids have state testing Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of this next week.
Thankfully the kids are feeling better since getting sicky last week.
Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PTSD. Show all posts
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Friday, April 19, 2013
Blogging for Stress Relief
We have had a crazy week and I really have no one I can vent to but the Whole Wide World.
- Monday -
- Finished my letter to the judge and emailed those over to the Crime Victim Advocate
- Helped my mom get her letter straightened back out
- Got yelled at by my sister (turns out it was a misunderstanding but you know how that can work out)
- Helped my brother with his letter
- Tuesday -
- VA Day From Hell
- 90 minutes appointment with a neuro-psychologist telling me that every one of my husband TBI symptoms is caused by something else BECAUSE TBI's heal in a short amount of time and there are no lasting, long term effects (The new VA party line)
- DH has suffered from headaches since 2004 when injured overseas BUT they believe the headaches for 9 years are due to SLEEP APNEA which is only something we have dealt with for about 18 months
- Balance issues are caused by the medications he is on regardless of the fact that the balance has been an issue for these same 9 years and the medications have only been for 2 years now
- Cognitive/Memory issues are due to medications as well regardless of how long he has been having these problems
- Every symptom he has is caused by something else and not the event in question
- Everyone of these symptoms could be resolved with Cognitive Processing Therapy or some kind of PTSD Treatment or Group Therapy
- I would love to get these 90 minutes back but I know that is not possible
- Wednesday -
- Went to Lowes
- We figured out that since we will probably need to stay in this house another year we need some type of temporary fencing for the backyard for privacy
- We picked out some nice bamboo privacy screens we are going to put up over the next month so we can be out back more without the neighbors driving us bonkers
- Thursday -
- Lazy Day
- Never left the house but I managed to go to the High School Orientation for DS online.
- Made a plan to move the office/classroom into the dining room and the dining room into the office area. More room.
- Picked out the new desks at Ikea
- Friday -
- Social Security
- Dropped off paperwork for reconsideration
- Wal-mart
- Dog Treats and a wander through the store
- State Surplus Store
- A box of books for $1 got some great books for DD
- District Office
- Paperwork for next year for the kiddos is finished
Sunday, March 24, 2013
A Glimpse of Our Life with PTSD
It is not often I willingly will talk about War or the after effects but here we are finishing out the month of March and marking the 10th anniversary of the beginning of the Iraqi War.
I remember when my husband was training up to deploy in 2003. Separation was not too much of an issue for us since he had been a commercial fisherman in Alaska, we were used to being apart (not that we LIKED it, but it worked). The thought at the time was 'why in the world am I getting ready to send my 34 year old husband to war?' "What did we get ourselves into?" "How can I do this full-time by myself?"
I never wanted to be a single parent, not that many people want that for their own life. I knew I could handle everything by myself but I didn't want to at all. We lived in a remote area with no military support structure at all. We had only lived there a few years so we really didn't have many friends.
Needless to say I survived deployment so did the kids and so did my husband, to a degree. Flash forward to Spring of 2005 and a homecoming. He looked like my husband but I wasn't convinced. This man was hard in mind and spirit. He expected things to be a certain way and if they were not and he had to do it there would be trouble.
There were fights, OCD moments we had never had before, there were outbursts, freak outs in the grocery store...I had no idea what was going on but I knew he wasn't on drugs but he was drinking quiet a bit. What was going on? We were not prepared for the fighting to continue once they got home, no body prepared me for the after effects of war.
Physically, my husband is 85%, he has a knee injury but mentally is a whole other ball game. For the last 8 years sleep is hard to come by, the slightest noise is cause for alarm and vigilance. What can be worse is if I hear the noise and I end up anticipating what he will do if it wakes him up. Sleep is a distant memory.
To look at my husband you see nothing wrong...live with him and you will see the difference. Like many things there seems to be a cycle when it is worse than other times thankfully I have support and resources available to me 24/7. The VA Caregiver Program has allowed me to keep my husband safe and stay home with him permanently.
For a further look inside click here.
I remember when my husband was training up to deploy in 2003. Separation was not too much of an issue for us since he had been a commercial fisherman in Alaska, we were used to being apart (not that we LIKED it, but it worked). The thought at the time was 'why in the world am I getting ready to send my 34 year old husband to war?' "What did we get ourselves into?" "How can I do this full-time by myself?"
I never wanted to be a single parent, not that many people want that for their own life. I knew I could handle everything by myself but I didn't want to at all. We lived in a remote area with no military support structure at all. We had only lived there a few years so we really didn't have many friends.
Needless to say I survived deployment so did the kids and so did my husband, to a degree. Flash forward to Spring of 2005 and a homecoming. He looked like my husband but I wasn't convinced. This man was hard in mind and spirit. He expected things to be a certain way and if they were not and he had to do it there would be trouble.
There were fights, OCD moments we had never had before, there were outbursts, freak outs in the grocery store...I had no idea what was going on but I knew he wasn't on drugs but he was drinking quiet a bit. What was going on? We were not prepared for the fighting to continue once they got home, no body prepared me for the after effects of war.
Physically, my husband is 85%, he has a knee injury but mentally is a whole other ball game. For the last 8 years sleep is hard to come by, the slightest noise is cause for alarm and vigilance. What can be worse is if I hear the noise and I end up anticipating what he will do if it wakes him up. Sleep is a distant memory.
To look at my husband you see nothing wrong...live with him and you will see the difference. Like many things there seems to be a cycle when it is worse than other times thankfully I have support and resources available to me 24/7. The VA Caregiver Program has allowed me to keep my husband safe and stay home with him permanently.
For a further look inside click here.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Monster in My House
There is a Monster living in my house. It lives right along side of us and tries so hard to take control whenever it feels like it. I wish there was a rite or ritual to exorcise the Monster from our lives but there isn't. The VA has tried but I think it makes the Monster worse at times instead of better.
There is no warning to when the Monster decides to come out, we have no control. The Monster gets his mind on something and like a rabid dog will not let it go. I wish and pray I could make the Monster disappear but I don't know how. Love and patience doesn't seem to help as much as we would like it to.
The Monster has a name but we only refer to it by letters...PTSD. This Monster has changed our lives forever. The kids handle it really well, they refer to the Monster as "Episodes" more than anything else.
The medications from the VA only help part of the time. The Monster makes my DH believe he is unworthy of additional benefits he could get. He can't work anymore but he wants to do something, what he has no clue.
The problem is the Monster is living in my Love and to get rid of the Monster I would need to get rid of my Love.
There is no warning to when the Monster decides to come out, we have no control. The Monster gets his mind on something and like a rabid dog will not let it go. I wish and pray I could make the Monster disappear but I don't know how. Love and patience doesn't seem to help as much as we would like it to.
The Monster has a name but we only refer to it by letters...PTSD. This Monster has changed our lives forever. The kids handle it really well, they refer to the Monster as "Episodes" more than anything else.
The medications from the VA only help part of the time. The Monster makes my DH believe he is unworthy of additional benefits he could get. He can't work anymore but he wants to do something, what he has no clue.
The problem is the Monster is living in my Love and to get rid of the Monster I would need to get rid of my Love.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
This Is My Reality
Here is a link to a wonderful article, "Is PTSD Contagious?", featuring a Dear Friend and her family's struggle with PTSD/TBI.
Click Here to access the full article, it is long but it may shed some light.
While I titled this my reality, I do not hate my life but, yes, I do wish it were different. This is not the marriage I had envisioned when I committed my life to my Dear Husband in the beginning, when our children were born, and finally, when we married in 2003.
There are some that will read and think just because they THINK they know what his duties were does mean those same duties were only the tip of the ice berg. The article talks about how different people viewing the same event have a different perspective, which in turns alters their own thoughts on the events. This is normal and it happens all the time.
Thank you for taking the time to try to understand the changes in my life and why.
Click Here to access the full article, it is long but it may shed some light.
While I titled this my reality, I do not hate my life but, yes, I do wish it were different. This is not the marriage I had envisioned when I committed my life to my Dear Husband in the beginning, when our children were born, and finally, when we married in 2003.
There are some that will read and think just because they THINK they know what his duties were does mean those same duties were only the tip of the ice berg. The article talks about how different people viewing the same event have a different perspective, which in turns alters their own thoughts on the events. This is normal and it happens all the time.
Thank you for taking the time to try to understand the changes in my life and why.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Life As I Know It
Happy Wednesday!!
Life, as seen through my eyes in my home, it not what would be considered normal in most house holds. There are days when it seems that life takes a hold and never wants to let go. There is an endless cycle of PTSD/OCD which rears its ugly head. The OCD cycle is so different, it starts with the kitchen, honestly it usually stays there, which has to be scrubbed from top to bottom and left for someone else to put back together. Like I have time for that.
I know there are those which think since I do not work outside of our home I have all the time in the world...oh how I wish. Between research, answering questions, schooling the kids, trying to learn, and taking care of DH, I am exhausted. In December my mom came up to spend some time in WA and she is staying with us, so now there is Me, DH, DD, DS, 3 Dachshunds and G'ma. At least we are not crowded. My mom is still a little under the weather so we might have to find her a good doctor for while she is up here.
I have been in a really melancholy mood and not really very interested in much. Mom and I have talked a lot about Debbie and that could be part of it. Maybe I need some deep sleep, seems to escape my search.
We have entered day #99 in the competency claim with the VA. I am wondering why they cannot come to a decision, I know that my DH back pay will not through us over the debt ceiling but the economics and how our government sees them are not the same thing. It is a good thing I don't run our finances the way the government does.
Well tonight is fend for yourself night since we are all in a food slump.
Life, as seen through my eyes in my home, it not what would be considered normal in most house holds. There are days when it seems that life takes a hold and never wants to let go. There is an endless cycle of PTSD/OCD which rears its ugly head. The OCD cycle is so different, it starts with the kitchen, honestly it usually stays there, which has to be scrubbed from top to bottom and left for someone else to put back together. Like I have time for that.
I know there are those which think since I do not work outside of our home I have all the time in the world...oh how I wish. Between research, answering questions, schooling the kids, trying to learn, and taking care of DH, I am exhausted. In December my mom came up to spend some time in WA and she is staying with us, so now there is Me, DH, DD, DS, 3 Dachshunds and G'ma. At least we are not crowded. My mom is still a little under the weather so we might have to find her a good doctor for while she is up here.
I have been in a really melancholy mood and not really very interested in much. Mom and I have talked a lot about Debbie and that could be part of it. Maybe I need some deep sleep, seems to escape my search.
We have entered day #99 in the competency claim with the VA. I am wondering why they cannot come to a decision, I know that my DH back pay will not through us over the debt ceiling but the economics and how our government sees them are not the same thing. It is a good thing I don't run our finances the way the government does.
Well tonight is fend for yourself night since we are all in a food slump.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
One Thousand Gifts
Finding the Joy in everyday life can be a challenge especially when dealing with the after affects of combat, PTSD, and mTBI. These are the things which can suck the life right out of us all. But I ran across a challenge to find 1000 gifts in a year, nothing special but those every day things we would take for granted.
What a wonderful idea to help brighten up everyday. This is been really easy to do. So here is some Joys from the last few days.
1/5/2013 - In My Bag, In the Fridge, In My Heart...yarn, chicken, love
1/6/2013 - 3 Graces from people I love...a hug, a kiss, time
1/7/2013 - Dusky Light, Reflection, Shadow...our bedroom light, my reflection, outside in January
1/8/2013 - Gift Held, Passed By, Sat With...DH's hand, missed opportunities, my mom
1/9/2013 - Gift Sour, Gift Sweet, Gift Just Right...Bite from a Pickle of DD, Chocolate from DH, hearing my DH laugh
I have not completed today's list since I did go a little out of order and would like to get back on track. These are all very basic but they have helped me to remember the Joy in life. Check out One Thousand Gifts for more information or to start your own list of Joy!
What a wonderful idea to help brighten up everyday. This is been really easy to do. So here is some Joys from the last few days.
1/5/2013 - In My Bag, In the Fridge, In My Heart...yarn, chicken, love
1/6/2013 - 3 Graces from people I love...a hug, a kiss, time
1/7/2013 - Dusky Light, Reflection, Shadow...our bedroom light, my reflection, outside in January
1/8/2013 - Gift Held, Passed By, Sat With...DH's hand, missed opportunities, my mom
1/9/2013 - Gift Sour, Gift Sweet, Gift Just Right...Bite from a Pickle of DD, Chocolate from DH, hearing my DH laugh
I have not completed today's list since I did go a little out of order and would like to get back on track. These are all very basic but they have helped me to remember the Joy in life. Check out One Thousand Gifts for more information or to start your own list of Joy!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Update on Life
I have not written much recently because honestly I have not been in the mood. There is so much going on that it is hard to keep up it seems.
We would like to buy a house, this could take a bit since the loan process may have to wait a couple of months since buying the new car. I really want to stay in this area but there are times when I wonder why exactly to I want to stay here? What is there for us as a family here? If it were not for having made great friends since coming to Olympia it would be easier.
Because of DH's PTSD we have basically been shunned from the family. In order to go to family functions I cannot bring DH which means, the family is separated and my Son will usually opt to stay with Dad. I have learned so much about PTSD and TBI over the past few months that can prove the things the family does not like about DH are directly caused by the PTSD/TBI but they do not care. Also since the PTSD/TBI are not new to our lives just recently, it has probably played a huge part in past behaviors as well. With this being the case we are left out of many events, which hurts my kids more than anything else and that is not tolerated by me at all. WE are a family and WE will stick together regardless of what others think.
I have managed to have so much on my plate at one time...the kids and school, my schooling, DH and caregiving, the house...etc, etc, etc. It is very overwhelming and there are times I wish family would offer the help, but they won't so I will continue to be Super Woman and handle it all myself.
My DS managed to finish Math and Earth Science by the end of March and have moved on to the next grade level of courses. DD missed it by just a bit, if she would have worked harder she would have advanced early as well. In fact the kids are almost finished with the school year and we will be working on supplemental activities to help round out the year. So proud of them for putting forth such an awesome effort this year.
We would like to buy a house, this could take a bit since the loan process may have to wait a couple of months since buying the new car. I really want to stay in this area but there are times when I wonder why exactly to I want to stay here? What is there for us as a family here? If it were not for having made great friends since coming to Olympia it would be easier.
Because of DH's PTSD we have basically been shunned from the family. In order to go to family functions I cannot bring DH which means, the family is separated and my Son will usually opt to stay with Dad. I have learned so much about PTSD and TBI over the past few months that can prove the things the family does not like about DH are directly caused by the PTSD/TBI but they do not care. Also since the PTSD/TBI are not new to our lives just recently, it has probably played a huge part in past behaviors as well. With this being the case we are left out of many events, which hurts my kids more than anything else and that is not tolerated by me at all. WE are a family and WE will stick together regardless of what others think.
I have managed to have so much on my plate at one time...the kids and school, my schooling, DH and caregiving, the house...etc, etc, etc. It is very overwhelming and there are times I wish family would offer the help, but they won't so I will continue to be Super Woman and handle it all myself.
My DS managed to finish Math and Earth Science by the end of March and have moved on to the next grade level of courses. DD missed it by just a bit, if she would have worked harder she would have advanced early as well. In fact the kids are almost finished with the school year and we will be working on supplemental activities to help round out the year. So proud of them for putting forth such an awesome effort this year.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Spring Update
I decided it was past time for an update on what is going on in our lives.
We had successful Girl Scout Cookie Sales for my Dear Daughter. She has had a GS Sleepover, an Easter Egg Hunt, and World Thinking Day going on in her life. She is going to GS Camp later this month and is super excited.
My Dear Son has advanced in two of his courses already, Math and Earth Science. We are now starting Algebra and Life Science. His materials arrived on Monday and he got a microscope, boy did that cause some great excitement.
Dear Hubby is still working within his own challenges with PTSD. The VA finally gave a rating on his knee but it was not very favorable by just using x-rays, which to me is just a DUH moment on their part. He really needs an MRI and not just an arthritis doc wanting to push more meds. We have been going through some pretty sleepless nights, like every other night. I am not sure how to handle it but I have been trying to relax and let things happen as long as no one is getting hurt.
We finally got some great news on the VA Caregiver Program and not only do we qualify but we qualify for full time and I have my own income. We are making more money monthly than we have probably made since he returned from his tour of duty. We believe that we are in a better place in life, finally, even if it is not perfect.
Being a full time caregiver I do not have to work outside the home but I have begun volunteering for Family of a Vet and love all the wonderful people I have met through this wonderful organization. Their work is amazing and I am so happy to be apart of something so wonderful. I will continue with my research and advocacy for Homelessness among Veterans and this is a great group willing to support that as well.
We got a new car! We got a 2006 Ford Freestar SEL van. We are really happy with it and it was past time for a newer car. We took on car payments but we have checked the budget and we can easily do it.
We are hoping to be able to buy a house soon but one step at a time.
I am sure I have left some things out but I am working on posting more regularly again.
We had successful Girl Scout Cookie Sales for my Dear Daughter. She has had a GS Sleepover, an Easter Egg Hunt, and World Thinking Day going on in her life. She is going to GS Camp later this month and is super excited.
My Dear Son has advanced in two of his courses already, Math and Earth Science. We are now starting Algebra and Life Science. His materials arrived on Monday and he got a microscope, boy did that cause some great excitement.
Dear Hubby is still working within his own challenges with PTSD. The VA finally gave a rating on his knee but it was not very favorable by just using x-rays, which to me is just a DUH moment on their part. He really needs an MRI and not just an arthritis doc wanting to push more meds. We have been going through some pretty sleepless nights, like every other night. I am not sure how to handle it but I have been trying to relax and let things happen as long as no one is getting hurt.
We finally got some great news on the VA Caregiver Program and not only do we qualify but we qualify for full time and I have my own income. We are making more money monthly than we have probably made since he returned from his tour of duty. We believe that we are in a better place in life, finally, even if it is not perfect.
Being a full time caregiver I do not have to work outside the home but I have begun volunteering for Family of a Vet and love all the wonderful people I have met through this wonderful organization. Their work is amazing and I am so happy to be apart of something so wonderful. I will continue with my research and advocacy for Homelessness among Veterans and this is a great group willing to support that as well.
We got a new car! We got a 2006 Ford Freestar SEL van. We are really happy with it and it was past time for a newer car. We took on car payments but we have checked the budget and we can easily do it.
We are hoping to be able to buy a house soon but one step at a time.
I am sure I have left some things out but I am working on posting more regularly again.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Sometimes Life Sucks
There are times when no matter what we do life just sucks.
Two weeks ago we had to put our beautiful beagle Hailey to sleep. In my whole life she was the only dog I had ever really bonded with, I am really not much of a dog person. I think there would only be a couple of things harder, decision wise, but that just stung deep in my heart. The kids were heart broken. Poor Duey was not too sure what happened and was not liking the puppy loneliness. On the 17th we went and adopted a mini dachshund named Princess. Princess is long haired and very sweet. Duey is not too sure about her yet but he will come around. Princess is very thin for her size but she does have a good appetite.
We have finally finished Girl Scout Cookie Sales and I have to say my Dear Daughter did a wonderful job of selling her cookies. There were times she got tired or hungry but she knew she had to wait until the sale was over to do anything about her minor issues.
Dear Hubby's PTSD has been giving me some issues. He wants to do something but he doesn't know what. With his medications he is rarely on one task for very long. Today has just not been the best of days for me, I am cranky and want everyone to just back off me for a few minutes. Not really expecting much from that, but a girl can wish.
Two weeks ago we had to put our beautiful beagle Hailey to sleep. In my whole life she was the only dog I had ever really bonded with, I am really not much of a dog person. I think there would only be a couple of things harder, decision wise, but that just stung deep in my heart. The kids were heart broken. Poor Duey was not too sure what happened and was not liking the puppy loneliness. On the 17th we went and adopted a mini dachshund named Princess. Princess is long haired and very sweet. Duey is not too sure about her yet but he will come around. Princess is very thin for her size but she does have a good appetite.
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| DD with Princess |
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| DS with Princess |
Dear Hubby's PTSD has been giving me some issues. He wants to do something but he doesn't know what. With his medications he is rarely on one task for very long. Today has just not been the best of days for me, I am cranky and want everyone to just back off me for a few minutes. Not really expecting much from that, but a girl can wish.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Happy Friday
We have had a crazy, happy Friday. I actually gave the kids an in-service day since I was a little 'out of service'.
I got a phone call from the VA Caregiver Program will our determination. Now I will take a quick class next week and have a visit from a nurse to talk about safety at home and we will be finished, I will be a full time caregiver for my dear hubby. Too bad I did not know about this program when this whole episode started but then we may not be where we have ended up today.
My graduation is tomorrow from Colorado Technical University Online and in April I will begin my bachelors program at WGU-Washington. Kind of nice when things start to come together.
I got a phone call from the VA Caregiver Program will our determination. Now I will take a quick class next week and have a visit from a nurse to talk about safety at home and we will be finished, I will be a full time caregiver for my dear hubby. Too bad I did not know about this program when this whole episode started but then we may not be where we have ended up today.
My graduation is tomorrow from Colorado Technical University Online and in April I will begin my bachelors program at WGU-Washington. Kind of nice when things start to come together.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
PTSD and Our Life this Week
We have seen a different side to PTSD recently, self-centeredness. I am not sure why it has happened but it reminds me of when the kids were really little. It is not all the time but when it happens, I just want to hide.
Last week the doctor added a something to help him sleep and upped the med that blocks the nightmares. Thankfully, DH is sleeping better but it still seems to be taking some time for him to get to sleep. It also takes a couple of hours for him to wake up enough to actually function. After that we are pretty ok until 8 pm.
I guess any sleep is better than no sleep, if only I could relax enough to sleep now.
As a caregiver there is the chance I could develop secondary PTSD and I honestly think I hit that wall over the weekend. Not only was I stressed about my classes and homework, then they hit me with a new lack of financial aid for the next 2 years but hubby had been asleep for 15 hours. Yes this was after the new meds, and yes he said I was being unreasonable to expect him to be up when he felt like sleeping. He was even right about that...but I was frustrated and tired of fighting with the kids on my own.
Some days I just wish we could go back to the way things were before his deployment, I just want my hubby back.
Other days I just want to find a happy medium with no issues.
Wish me luck.
Last week the doctor added a something to help him sleep and upped the med that blocks the nightmares. Thankfully, DH is sleeping better but it still seems to be taking some time for him to get to sleep. It also takes a couple of hours for him to wake up enough to actually function. After that we are pretty ok until 8 pm.
I guess any sleep is better than no sleep, if only I could relax enough to sleep now.
As a caregiver there is the chance I could develop secondary PTSD and I honestly think I hit that wall over the weekend. Not only was I stressed about my classes and homework, then they hit me with a new lack of financial aid for the next 2 years but hubby had been asleep for 15 hours. Yes this was after the new meds, and yes he said I was being unreasonable to expect him to be up when he felt like sleeping. He was even right about that...but I was frustrated and tired of fighting with the kids on my own.
Some days I just wish we could go back to the way things were before his deployment, I just want my hubby back.
Other days I just want to find a happy medium with no issues.
Wish me luck.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
End of the Year
Here we are, New Year's Eve morning, hard to believe we are about to enter a new year. This is the year that comes with both comfort and some confusion. 2012. If we are to follow the Mayan calendar there is a change happening, what that change could be is really up for God to determine. Am I scared, no not really, but I am not going to sit here idle either. We have been talking about developing an emergency preparedness kit and we are going to start putting that together. We live in area where earthquakes happen, we need to be prepared.
My hope for the New Year would be to leave all of last year's GARBAGE behind. I know there are some pieces which will continue to carry forward but not by me. I leave it all in the past and I hope others will too.
I don't like to make resolutions, they are so easy to break, but I have some goals in mind.
Taking the advice of a fellow wife of a veteran with PTSD on Family of a Vet, I wrote my husband a letter for Christmas letting him know the reasons I still love him even with all of the PTSD troubles we have been facing. Sometimes it is hard to look at a person and remember why we married them in the beginning when life throws troubles our way. This was a wonderful exercise for me and for any married woman to remind herself and her spouse why they got married in the beginning. My husband and I have gone through A LOT of bad times but we never let those get us down. Those times always brought us closer together, which is our goal for our marriage in the future.
I remember many times of happiness in our 15 years together. We have watched our own family develop and grow as well as our extended family. We were still in the early stages of our relationship when my oldest niece was born. He was amazed at how a family came together for this one event and he wanted to be part of that family, he never had anything like that in his life before. He was so scared to hold this tiny bundle but his face lit up when he did and the family was so encouraging to him then.
When we had our own child, our son, everyone came to the hospital again. These are times of celebration and when you discover the true meaning of family. Family should stick together even when they have differences. Differences should be discussed to be resolved.
That sense of family I have talked about is gone and I would love to have it back but that will probably never happen now. This makes me sad but my life is with my husband and children and it truly is a wonderful life.
Happy New Year one and all and may the new year be everything you wish it to be.
My hope for the New Year would be to leave all of last year's GARBAGE behind. I know there are some pieces which will continue to carry forward but not by me. I leave it all in the past and I hope others will too.
I don't like to make resolutions, they are so easy to break, but I have some goals in mind.
- I need to get my life organized
- I want our family to get healthy
- I want to be more patient
Taking the advice of a fellow wife of a veteran with PTSD on Family of a Vet, I wrote my husband a letter for Christmas letting him know the reasons I still love him even with all of the PTSD troubles we have been facing. Sometimes it is hard to look at a person and remember why we married them in the beginning when life throws troubles our way. This was a wonderful exercise for me and for any married woman to remind herself and her spouse why they got married in the beginning. My husband and I have gone through A LOT of bad times but we never let those get us down. Those times always brought us closer together, which is our goal for our marriage in the future.
I remember many times of happiness in our 15 years together. We have watched our own family develop and grow as well as our extended family. We were still in the early stages of our relationship when my oldest niece was born. He was amazed at how a family came together for this one event and he wanted to be part of that family, he never had anything like that in his life before. He was so scared to hold this tiny bundle but his face lit up when he did and the family was so encouraging to him then.
When we had our own child, our son, everyone came to the hospital again. These are times of celebration and when you discover the true meaning of family. Family should stick together even when they have differences. Differences should be discussed to be resolved.
That sense of family I have talked about is gone and I would love to have it back but that will probably never happen now. This makes me sad but my life is with my husband and children and it truly is a wonderful life.
Happy New Year one and all and may the new year be everything you wish it to be.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Christmas Letter 2011
December 2011
Dear Family & Friends,
Hard to believe another year has passed. Like so many others this year has given us many ups and downs. I think the downs have made us stronger and the ups have made us a bit more humble, I hope.
As many of you know we moved in June from Ocean Shores to the Olympia. Hard to believe we lived at the Beach for almost 10 years. Our house hunt was grueling and took us the better part of a month, but we finally found a great house in Lacey and we are pretty happy here. I think we had forgotten how different city life can be from living at the end of the world.
We also have discovered just how serious PTSD can be and what it can do to a whole family. We would not be in our new home without the assistance of a VA Program and Catholic Community Services VA Program, which in itself is very humbling. The VA Programs have not only physically helped by they have helped monetarily and even emotionally. We feel so blessed to have been directed to this program
The kids have had a great year as well. Veronica turned 10 in June and finished the 4th grade in Ocean Shores. Joey turned 13 in July and made so much progress in school he was very confident about starting 7th grade in September. With the move came several other changes, we decided to homeschool using a public virtual academy, Washington Virtual Academy or WAVA which is centered out of the Steilacoom Historical School District. While this has been a huge change and challenge we have all learned so much. I would much rather spend 6 hours a day teaching my kids then to have them gone for 6 + hours then do another 3-4 hours of homework with them.
Schooling at home is so different and the kids have not missed a single day of school. They have schooled when sick, while on the road to the VA, and even going grocery shopping with mom and dad. We have discovered there is nothing that cannot incorporate school lessons of some kind.
The VA has finally approved a portion of Joe’s disability and we are working on the balance, they claim they need more information! After my years of going back to school, changing not only programs but schools, February 14, 2012 I will have completed my associate’s degree and will begin on my bachelor’s degree in business management.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to One and All!
With Love,
The Busenius Family ~ Joe aka DH, Pam (me), Joey aka DS, and Veronica aka DD, Hailey the Beagle, and Duey the Dachshund
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
VA Medical Services
There are times when I will completely praise the Department of Veterans Affairs for all the wrongs they are working towards making right but there are other times when I am amazed at the entire VA process. Both yesterday and today we have been to the VA for my dear hubby. Yesterday he had a regular appointment and there was a change in medications, then after waiting 45 minutes for pick up his prescriptions he just wanted out of the building. Today we went back to talk to the benefit specialist in regards to his paperwork that was submitted and they are requiring additional information.
The military is known for the hurry up and wait for just about anything unless you are in uniform but even that can take a while depending on which department you are going to. We got the information we needed to complete his additional paperwork but we were amazed that they were wanting another account of a stressful event for the PTSD portion of his benefits. How many times do we have to relay the same thing over and over again?!?! As it turns out of the whole packet sent to us only one single sheet needs to be returned. Really???
I am not saying we have been treated bad by our VAMC because that is not the case at all, but they are so overloaded with 10 years of combat veterans returning and adding to the already taxing burden of veterans they are simply overloaded. There is always a ton of people coming in, going out, or just plain waiting. I cannot go to the pharmacy and pickup my husbands prescriptions while he is finishing up with a doctor. He has to pick them up himself. So glad most of his meds are mailed to us when needed.
So grateful the soldiers are receiving the care and treatment they earned but I just hate watching so many waiting and waiting to get the help. I will say I know our VAMC does not have the same amount to patients some of the other facilities have. On a very positive note there is a level of respect at the VA that you only get inside the military.
The military is known for the hurry up and wait for just about anything unless you are in uniform but even that can take a while depending on which department you are going to. We got the information we needed to complete his additional paperwork but we were amazed that they were wanting another account of a stressful event for the PTSD portion of his benefits. How many times do we have to relay the same thing over and over again?!?! As it turns out of the whole packet sent to us only one single sheet needs to be returned. Really???
I am not saying we have been treated bad by our VAMC because that is not the case at all, but they are so overloaded with 10 years of combat veterans returning and adding to the already taxing burden of veterans they are simply overloaded. There is always a ton of people coming in, going out, or just plain waiting. I cannot go to the pharmacy and pickup my husbands prescriptions while he is finishing up with a doctor. He has to pick them up himself. So glad most of his meds are mailed to us when needed.
So grateful the soldiers are receiving the care and treatment they earned but I just hate watching so many waiting and waiting to get the help. I will say I know our VAMC does not have the same amount to patients some of the other facilities have. On a very positive note there is a level of respect at the VA that you only get inside the military.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Life with My Husband's PTSD
This is not something that I would normally start with but there are aspects of the PTSD that wear on me. My husband suffers from combat related PTSD and in such so do I and the rest of the family. We are diligent in how we watch Dad and everything around Dad. The most common statement used is the house, "Is Dad ok?" Everyday is different, I know they are for everybody, but these are different in a whole other way. We never know from day to day what to expect and the medication does not seem to be helping.
There are times I believe the medications are hindering the process for handling the stressors of PTSD. The meds have added a paranoia that was never present prior. We have discovered he does not look people in the eye any longer and he is uncomfortable in a group of people even ones he knows. These are some of the factors that cause problems in our lives as well as with people around us.
There are times I wonder why this has happened or what I have done to make these situations worse. I know the general answer is there is no answer. This happens and not just to combat veterans. This can happen to everyone that has experienced a traumatic event in life. Do I know how to fix this? No I don't so I feel helpless.
I wish there was greater awareness available on how to recognize the signs of PTSD to help prevent additional traumatic events from happening within a family. I have gotten better at recognizing trouble situations but even I have missed a few things. Sometimes it is like living with a smaller child, we need boundaries as well as expectations but the lollipop at the end of the day is not the reward. The reward is another good day. Personally I would like every day to be a good day but I will take all the good days I can get.
There are times I believe the medications are hindering the process for handling the stressors of PTSD. The meds have added a paranoia that was never present prior. We have discovered he does not look people in the eye any longer and he is uncomfortable in a group of people even ones he knows. These are some of the factors that cause problems in our lives as well as with people around us.
There are times I wonder why this has happened or what I have done to make these situations worse. I know the general answer is there is no answer. This happens and not just to combat veterans. This can happen to everyone that has experienced a traumatic event in life. Do I know how to fix this? No I don't so I feel helpless.
I wish there was greater awareness available on how to recognize the signs of PTSD to help prevent additional traumatic events from happening within a family. I have gotten better at recognizing trouble situations but even I have missed a few things. Sometimes it is like living with a smaller child, we need boundaries as well as expectations but the lollipop at the end of the day is not the reward. The reward is another good day. Personally I would like every day to be a good day but I will take all the good days I can get.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Middle of the Week
Wednesday in many circles is known as hump day but we usually just call it the middle of the week since it truly is the middle. What a crazy day too. Hubby and I left the house before 8:30 AM...yes AM, to go to his VA appointment and to see the benefits specialist. We saw the benefit specialist first and there was a huge relief. During the meeting with her the kids call to say the US Government called but we didn't answer. My dear daughter wasn't sure why the government would be calling us. I explained that the VA was part of the government, her comment, "oh I thought the VA was American." Yep that's my girl. Finally, it turned out they needed to cancel my hubby's appointment for 10:30 am...not happy. This is 2 appointments, back-to-back, this provider has cancelled after we arrived at the Medical Center.
VA Facilities as well as the care being provided, has improved greatly in the last 5 years or so but the cancelling of appointments irritates me, especially when patients need to be seen at times. My hubby has severe Combat Related PTSD and there are days which prove to be very challenging not just for him but for the whole family in general. He does the best in his own environment but sometimes we venture out and we make sure one of us is always with him and he usually knows the best places to go to decompress when the stores start to get to him. So it was the doctor to regulate the PTSD meds who cancelled these last 2 appointments. Ok I will finish with this rant for the time being.
VA Facilities as well as the care being provided, has improved greatly in the last 5 years or so but the cancelling of appointments irritates me, especially when patients need to be seen at times. My hubby has severe Combat Related PTSD and there are days which prove to be very challenging not just for him but for the whole family in general. He does the best in his own environment but sometimes we venture out and we make sure one of us is always with him and he usually knows the best places to go to decompress when the stores start to get to him. So it was the doctor to regulate the PTSD meds who cancelled these last 2 appointments. Ok I will finish with this rant for the time being.
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