Life is taking us on a journey. I know where it is supposed to send us but I am still not sure HOW.
We have been on a home buying journey since March. Leave it to us to find the most inept Mortgage Broker on the face of the planet. He has failed numerous times to follow through with what he said he was doing. We have finally gone straight to the Mortgage Company and we are getting results.
We have spent money to clear up old debts. We are fairly debt free right now except our car payment. This are working in a positive direction for us...except the Mortgage Broker.
I think one of the things that really got me was how he would talk down to me as if I have no idea what happens outside my own home. Hell, I am a business major and he would have flunked right now. Yes, he is in the South and I know there are cultural differences but DAMN this is the year 2014 not 1914.
Our journey is taking us to Columbus, GA. Yes, I said Georgia, the Deep South. I am very excited and a bit on the nervous side but I will overcome those feelings. I think one of the best things for us in Georgia will be friends. I have a ton of friends spread all over the world but one of my best friends is also a Caregiver to her Veteran lives in Columbus. I have learned that this life of Caregiving is very lonely and we need others like us to help us through the challenges and to support one another. While I will probably lean on my Best Bitch for awhile I am also so excited to start this leg of our journey and explore new things and places.
Yesterday I reserved the U-Haul for the end of the month and I reserved a campsite at a State Park close to home so we can pack the house and still have a comfy place to sleep at night. We are planning to leave our state on the 1st and head to Salt Lake City area to visit friends for a couple of days.
So excited to get started.
Showing posts with label Caregiving. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Caregiving. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Way Past Due Update
Life has been so crazy that I haven't been able to update during the summer. So here we go:
I also found out a sweet friend of mine has had to decide to discontinue treatments for cancer and cancer induced illness. This makes me horribly sad and feeling helpless.
I am a natural fixer so I want to make everything right. There are times being a fixer is hard, not everyone wants to be fixed or needs to be fixed or even can be fixed, but this is part of who we are.
- DH turned 44 in May
- DD turned 12 in June
- Survived the first anniversary of my sweet sister's passing
- DS turned 14 in July
- We bought a Hi-Lo Travel Trailer to go camping
- We actually got to go camping this year
- DH oldest son contacted us and will be visiting in September
I also found out a sweet friend of mine has had to decide to discontinue treatments for cancer and cancer induced illness. This makes me horribly sad and feeling helpless.
I am a natural fixer so I want to make everything right. There are times being a fixer is hard, not everyone wants to be fixed or needs to be fixed or even can be fixed, but this is part of who we are.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
A Glimpse of Our Life with PTSD
It is not often I willingly will talk about War or the after effects but here we are finishing out the month of March and marking the 10th anniversary of the beginning of the Iraqi War.
I remember when my husband was training up to deploy in 2003. Separation was not too much of an issue for us since he had been a commercial fisherman in Alaska, we were used to being apart (not that we LIKED it, but it worked). The thought at the time was 'why in the world am I getting ready to send my 34 year old husband to war?' "What did we get ourselves into?" "How can I do this full-time by myself?"
I never wanted to be a single parent, not that many people want that for their own life. I knew I could handle everything by myself but I didn't want to at all. We lived in a remote area with no military support structure at all. We had only lived there a few years so we really didn't have many friends.
Needless to say I survived deployment so did the kids and so did my husband, to a degree. Flash forward to Spring of 2005 and a homecoming. He looked like my husband but I wasn't convinced. This man was hard in mind and spirit. He expected things to be a certain way and if they were not and he had to do it there would be trouble.
There were fights, OCD moments we had never had before, there were outbursts, freak outs in the grocery store...I had no idea what was going on but I knew he wasn't on drugs but he was drinking quiet a bit. What was going on? We were not prepared for the fighting to continue once they got home, no body prepared me for the after effects of war.
Physically, my husband is 85%, he has a knee injury but mentally is a whole other ball game. For the last 8 years sleep is hard to come by, the slightest noise is cause for alarm and vigilance. What can be worse is if I hear the noise and I end up anticipating what he will do if it wakes him up. Sleep is a distant memory.
To look at my husband you see nothing wrong...live with him and you will see the difference. Like many things there seems to be a cycle when it is worse than other times thankfully I have support and resources available to me 24/7. The VA Caregiver Program has allowed me to keep my husband safe and stay home with him permanently.
For a further look inside click here.
I remember when my husband was training up to deploy in 2003. Separation was not too much of an issue for us since he had been a commercial fisherman in Alaska, we were used to being apart (not that we LIKED it, but it worked). The thought at the time was 'why in the world am I getting ready to send my 34 year old husband to war?' "What did we get ourselves into?" "How can I do this full-time by myself?"
I never wanted to be a single parent, not that many people want that for their own life. I knew I could handle everything by myself but I didn't want to at all. We lived in a remote area with no military support structure at all. We had only lived there a few years so we really didn't have many friends.
Needless to say I survived deployment so did the kids and so did my husband, to a degree. Flash forward to Spring of 2005 and a homecoming. He looked like my husband but I wasn't convinced. This man was hard in mind and spirit. He expected things to be a certain way and if they were not and he had to do it there would be trouble.
There were fights, OCD moments we had never had before, there were outbursts, freak outs in the grocery store...I had no idea what was going on but I knew he wasn't on drugs but he was drinking quiet a bit. What was going on? We were not prepared for the fighting to continue once they got home, no body prepared me for the after effects of war.
Physically, my husband is 85%, he has a knee injury but mentally is a whole other ball game. For the last 8 years sleep is hard to come by, the slightest noise is cause for alarm and vigilance. What can be worse is if I hear the noise and I end up anticipating what he will do if it wakes him up. Sleep is a distant memory.
To look at my husband you see nothing wrong...live with him and you will see the difference. Like many things there seems to be a cycle when it is worse than other times thankfully I have support and resources available to me 24/7. The VA Caregiver Program has allowed me to keep my husband safe and stay home with him permanently.
For a further look inside click here.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Caregiver Conference Legal Issues
After we had lunch at the Conference a lawyer was ready for his segments of the Conference. He discussed Estate Planning and Medicaid Planning for Eligibility. I never would have imagined you could plan for Medicaid but I guess you can and people actually pay lawyers to help them set it up.
Estate Planning
Keep in mind and Estate is everything you own. Planning for what happens after you are gone helps to protect your assets, provide for your family, and charitable goals. Sounds pretty simple.
Three Documents Everyone Needs to Have:
Healthcare Directive/Living Will is your personal moral statement about your end of life choices. Life support and pulling the plug is never what any of us want to have to consider but it can be the cold hard reality of life. You need to ask yourself if you want to be kept alive indefinitely on life support or only for a period of time?
A Will is basically a statement of where you want your property to go. A Revocable Living Trust is a legal document which helps to avoid probate and can eliminate some of the tax burden that comes with inheirtance.
It is in your best interest to have your documents witnessed and notarized. With witnesses you will need to have a Self Proving Affidavit, a statement which declares they witnessed your signature on your document. The Self Proving Affidavit helps so your witnesses will not need to be tracked down at a later date and time.
Community Property Agreement is essentially a contract between spouses stating that if one passes first all property reverts to the surviving spouse. This contract will also mean no probate.
Before you begin you will need to inventory your assets in a general manner, inventory your liabilities, list your family members, and finally what you want to accomplish with your documents. The interesting part mentioned is that when constructing your Will and leaving possessions to family/friends you do not have to list everything and who they will go to in the Will, it can be stated to 'see attached document' and that attachment can be changed without changing the whole Will. He was asked if you can disinherit your family, of course you can.
Medicaid Planning
This was a lot of information and there was no hand out but simply put there is a way to protect assets for your family and still receive medicaid benefits for nursing home/skilled nursing care towards end of life. Unfortunately if you own property you will need to plan with about 5 years before you will need to care if you can.
Another thing to check out is Purple Cross Plan, which is like a savings account for burial expenses and is exempt from your medicaid 5 year look back period.
There are lawyers that specialize in this type of law and it is advisable when there is a life changing illness which will require long term specialized care.
Estate Planning
Keep in mind and Estate is everything you own. Planning for what happens after you are gone helps to protect your assets, provide for your family, and charitable goals. Sounds pretty simple.
Three Documents Everyone Needs to Have:
- Durable Power of Attorney (POA)
- Healthcare Directive/Living Will
- Will or Revocable Living Trust
Healthcare Directive/Living Will is your personal moral statement about your end of life choices. Life support and pulling the plug is never what any of us want to have to consider but it can be the cold hard reality of life. You need to ask yourself if you want to be kept alive indefinitely on life support or only for a period of time?
A Will is basically a statement of where you want your property to go. A Revocable Living Trust is a legal document which helps to avoid probate and can eliminate some of the tax burden that comes with inheirtance.
It is in your best interest to have your documents witnessed and notarized. With witnesses you will need to have a Self Proving Affidavit, a statement which declares they witnessed your signature on your document. The Self Proving Affidavit helps so your witnesses will not need to be tracked down at a later date and time.
Community Property Agreement is essentially a contract between spouses stating that if one passes first all property reverts to the surviving spouse. This contract will also mean no probate.
Before you begin you will need to inventory your assets in a general manner, inventory your liabilities, list your family members, and finally what you want to accomplish with your documents. The interesting part mentioned is that when constructing your Will and leaving possessions to family/friends you do not have to list everything and who they will go to in the Will, it can be stated to 'see attached document' and that attachment can be changed without changing the whole Will. He was asked if you can disinherit your family, of course you can.
Medicaid Planning
This was a lot of information and there was no hand out but simply put there is a way to protect assets for your family and still receive medicaid benefits for nursing home/skilled nursing care towards end of life. Unfortunately if you own property you will need to plan with about 5 years before you will need to care if you can.
Another thing to check out is Purple Cross Plan, which is like a savings account for burial expenses and is exempt from your medicaid 5 year look back period.
There are lawyers that specialize in this type of law and it is advisable when there is a life changing illness which will require long term specialized care.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Caregiver Conference Part 2
As a continuation of the Caregiver Conference the next presenter was Kyle Mamiya, Speech Pathology Seattle VA Medical Center.
Now honestly my first thought was how would a Speech Pathologist help in the Caregiving process? Boy I was really surprised and so happy he provided a handout of his presentation.
Strategies to Improve Performance on Tasks Requiring Memory, Attention and Problem Solving Skills
Topics Covered:
Speech Pathologist will work to improve attention through different training methods, exercises, and repetition. Goals to improve focus, reduce distractions, staying organized or on schedule, get enough rest to help with the cognitive abilities, learn to break down tasks into several smaller, manageable tasks, as well as NOT multi-tasking.
Things to try
Another concept talked about was to NOT rely on the memory itself but do rely on the tools available to aid with recall of events. The tools are the best aides we can supply our Veterans with so they can gain some self confidence.
Recall Tools
I think one of the best things I discovered is that Speech Pathology can help with the Cognitive Issues many of our TBI/PTSD Veterans are facing on a regular basis. They can prescribe electronic devices if you have not been able to attain them in other ways. Another great discovery was about telehealth. The Speech Therapy has been able to utilize Skype to help patients living further from the VA. It was rather cool to sit in this 91 year old building and talk about the latest technology to assist our Veterans.
Now honestly my first thought was how would a Speech Pathologist help in the Caregiving process? Boy I was really surprised and so happy he provided a handout of his presentation.
Strategies to Improve Performance on Tasks Requiring Memory, Attention and Problem Solving Skills
Topics Covered:
- Problems with cognition and effects on lifestyle
- The role of the speech pathologist in cognitive rehabilitation
- Information about views on cognitive rehabilitation
- Some approaches to addressing various cognitive difficulties
- Some strategies to use or encourage in different settings
- Caused by many reasons
- Affect attention, memory, problem solving, communication, behavior, moods
- May affect habits, work, interaction, care for self, fully engage in some aspects of life
- Functioning Tasks, appointments to-do list, forgetfulness, control of emotions
- Patient Care Team
- Assess and analysis of cognitive skills
- Systematic, functionally-oriented therapy
- Structured learning
- Focus on Restorative and Compensatory Treatments
- Include Caregiver/Family
- Identify specific goals or tasks
- Use Caregiver/Family to help set realistic goals
- Provide errorless learning opportunities
- Clear expectations
- Practice strategies
- Provide feedback and tools for performance
- Select meaningful activities
Speech Pathologist will work to improve attention through different training methods, exercises, and repetition. Goals to improve focus, reduce distractions, staying organized or on schedule, get enough rest to help with the cognitive abilities, learn to break down tasks into several smaller, manageable tasks, as well as NOT multi-tasking.
Things to try
- Notepad and pen with you at all times
- Dry erase board for the house
- Routines and a schedule/calendar
- Place to always place your things (purse, wallet, keys, phone)
- Use lists everywhere necessary
- Electronic devices to assist
Another concept talked about was to NOT rely on the memory itself but do rely on the tools available to aid with recall of events. The tools are the best aides we can supply our Veterans with so they can gain some self confidence.
Recall Tools
- Simplify/reduce information
- Review information in different forms
- Ask questions, rephrase information, link to something personal to improve the focus/memory
- Mnemonics
- Visual imagery
- Voice recorders
- Planners
- Electronic devices
- E-mail, alarms, voice mail
I think one of the best things I discovered is that Speech Pathology can help with the Cognitive Issues many of our TBI/PTSD Veterans are facing on a regular basis. They can prescribe electronic devices if you have not been able to attain them in other ways. Another great discovery was about telehealth. The Speech Therapy has been able to utilize Skype to help patients living further from the VA. It was rather cool to sit in this 91 year old building and talk about the latest technology to assist our Veterans.
Caregiver Conference
Yesterday I had the opportunity to attend a Caregiver Conference through VA Puget Sound Health Care System at American Lake VAMC.
First was a Doctor from the Deployment & Combat Health Division, Dr. Stephen Hunt. He talked about the role of the Caregiver. He considers Caregiving, the most meaningful and important act, since it is a natural act for many the world over. Parenting is Caregiving.
Dr. Hunt gave us questions to consider about Caregiving:
Dr. Hunt mentioned how attitude and support are key elements in Caregiving and that sometimes the Caregiver has to take the same approach with the same values as our service members used during their time in service. This made a lot of sense. There are times my DH responds better when I use a more military approach with him. He also talked about how the cost of service is family wide and support is not JUST about the Veteran.
Caregivers have a dedication to support one another. This creates new bonds but can also create Caregiver fatigue so the Caregiver needs to take advantage of any resource available to them.
The need for self care is so important for Caregiving and will create a satisfaction which is the cornerstone of successful Caregiving. The key elements here are personal care (more important than medical or clinical care), social support for the family, and to identify barriers of self care.
Dr. Hunt considers self care to be:
He concluded with reminding us all to know yourself, value yourself, care for yourself.
Do not deny the difficulties of your work.
Cast loving eye on yourself and your needs the same as we do for our loved ones. This is about our lives.
First was a Doctor from the Deployment & Combat Health Division, Dr. Stephen Hunt. He talked about the role of the Caregiver. He considers Caregiving, the most meaningful and important act, since it is a natural act for many the world over. Parenting is Caregiving.
Dr. Hunt gave us questions to consider about Caregiving:
- What does being a Caregiver mean to you?
- How have you learned about Caregiving?
- What was it like, being a Caregiver?
- What helped the most?
Dr. Hunt mentioned how attitude and support are key elements in Caregiving and that sometimes the Caregiver has to take the same approach with the same values as our service members used during their time in service. This made a lot of sense. There are times my DH responds better when I use a more military approach with him. He also talked about how the cost of service is family wide and support is not JUST about the Veteran.
Caregivers have a dedication to support one another. This creates new bonds but can also create Caregiver fatigue so the Caregiver needs to take advantage of any resource available to them.
The need for self care is so important for Caregiving and will create a satisfaction which is the cornerstone of successful Caregiving. The key elements here are personal care (more important than medical or clinical care), social support for the family, and to identify barriers of self care.
Dr. Hunt considers self care to be:
- self nurturing
- personal life
- healing activities - hobbies
- balanced life
- goals
- respite care
He concluded with reminding us all to know yourself, value yourself, care for yourself.
Do not deny the difficulties of your work.
Cast loving eye on yourself and your needs the same as we do for our loved ones. This is about our lives.
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